Now, at this point in your life you’re probably 21, kinda floored by adulthood (leases, relationships, jobs, oh my!) and vacillating a bit between dumbfounded panic and finger-tingling excitement. You probably are stoked to make healthy foods, to ride your bike, to learn about God and love and family. And you’re also probably learning about alcohol.
Now, I know you are a reasonable person, an intelligent and motivated individual. You never drink to get drunk. You don’t actually even “go out”. You certainly don’t need a drink (or three) to be fun. And you would never, ever, drink your stress/anxiety/insecurity away.
For the sake of a blog post more humorous than family crisis, however, let’s pretend you’re curious about how to not be hungover on a Tuesday. (Abstinence? Cute. You must be new here.)
First off, once you realize you’re more exuberant on the Blue Martini Dance floor than usual, or that you’ve moved the dance party to your own private rain dance outside, here’s what you need to do; pop a vitamin B12, and fill your pretty pink nalgene to the brim. Now down it. Don’t throw it up, but do drink it all.
If you don’t have a nalgene, you’re silly.
Now, you probably forgot to charge your phone because, well, forgetting normal life things comes with the territory of being such a big fan of alcohol, which means you had no alarm clock the morning after your debauchery. Once you’ve awakened (and realized its ten in the aye-em and you’ve blown off your morning plans with people you care deeply about) you need to refill that nifty nalgene. Drink that mother.
Although its acidic and you give up drinking coffee all the frickin time, you’re probably craving it. So walk to the nearest coffee shop, all bloated and groggy, and get yourself the largest iced java you can afford.
Once at home (because I still respect you as a person, Dear Reader, and have given you the credit of sleeping over at someone’s house rather than driving home intoxicated) ignore the judgmental gaze of your dog
However, it tastes like your lawnmower smells, so dose it with Arbonne’s energy fizzy drink mix. Then its not only bearable, but delicious, and even more alkalizing!
Also, breaky ought to consist of something nutritious and dry. Viola; hearth-thrive energy bars!
Keep downing that water, turn up Youtube’s Fun playlist (you’re probably a big fan of the song “Be Calm” lately.) and prepare for your day.
This day, in particular, involves bringing Chris to In’n’Out for an interview (ohpleaseohpleaseohplease), dropping off your resume at places (I was fired on Sunday, guys. And I quote; “you’re a waitress, not a fucking comedian.”), exploring more housing options with the new roommates, and getting Michael’s car washed, as he’s been generous enough to let me use it while he goes off and gets engaged in Europe.
Anyway, here’s to twenty-one. Cheers, friends.