I’ve been thinking a lot about shame. More specifically, I’ve been thinking about why certain people feel shame about things that other people don’t think twice about.
Shame and guilt are different psychological phenomena, by the way. They can arise at the same time, but they’re not the same. Guilt is more of an awareness of having done wrong, while shame is more of an externally driven awareness of how we look to others, as well as how we seem to ourselves. Like, I want to impress my vegan friends, so I feel shame when I eat free cookies at work. I also feel guilt because I know all the facts about milk and egg factories and it is completely atrocious.
What I want to talk about today is why we feel shame and guilt. I want this, actually, to be more of an open thread than anything. Why do some of us feel shame about eating, but not sexual escapades? And vice versa. Why are some of us convicted about our spending habits but not drug and alcohol abuse? (Cigarettes and coffee count as drugs, mmkay?) It’s an interesting topic, for sure, and I’m just wrestling with the annoying ways my convictions fall short of who I actually want to be, Like, yeah its all good and dandy I feel convicted about wasting time online, but why don’t I feel convicted about being an asshole sometimes? I’ve always heard you can tell a person’s beliefs from their lifestyle, but I believe so many things. And apparently what I believe in most in indulgence. I’m frustrated at myself for holding convictions, up until I’m presented with an opportunity not to.
Some shame is founded and some (most) is not. So what do you, reader, feel shame about, and why? And also do you feel like your shame is founded, or is it irrational? Please comment! Let’s dialogue this beezy.
Happy Tuesday, friends.