December (etc.) has been real weird.

Can we redo the New Year?  We can do that, can’t we?  Who’s got the rule book?

You may have noticed I blanked on the whole, End of the Year Review and Look Ahead.  December got weird, and January stayed that way.

Let’s pretend we didn’t buzz through this symbolic and uplifting, hopeful little refresher.  Let’s say we’re still on the cusp of all this sparkling newness, and we’re not blowing it with cheap wine, a cute boy, and the best friends we’ve ever had.  Let’s throw the last five weeks or so in a bowl, do our best quizzical observation of it, and chalk December (and then some) up to a bemusing “weird month”.

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Time of your life…in my kitchen.Shattered wine glass, the bottom half wedged between the bookshelf and the wall?

(^But really, how did half a wine glass get itself wedged in between there?!?)

And now let’s move forward.

We’re twenty-two now, and while there’s a bit of grace and a whole handful of “grains of salt” regarding binge drinking and all manner of foolish endeavors when you’re twenty-one, let’s not stay here.  We’ve got bigger things to do now that we’re Real Adults.  Also, I’ve got an associate’s degree now and am peacing out of furthering my formal education for now, and the only way to do this without looking like a complete slacker-dropout-asshole is to be doing a Really Awesome in the stead.

So.  For the Really Awesome.

Tell me, as a blog reader (and actually only if you’re not my immediate family, you stalkers) what you like reading.  What do you google, and why are you interested in what people in the blogosphere have to say?  Do you want to hear how I save money (toobadIdon’t!) or do you want ridiculous anecdotes to make you laugh?  Do you want to know what I’m learning (and re-learning and reconstructing and puzzling over) about God and people?  Do you want me to go travel, or live in community here in the lovely Aye-Zee?  Do you want me more involved with that awesome little farm downtown?

I just want to get a feel for what you want, and maybe it will help me figure out what I want.

Because I want truth, meaning, beauty and aesthetics.  I want weird anecdotes and moving ideals, dynamic concepts about God and a consistent lifestyle.  I want to punch Apathy and Boredom in their collective uteri and flip the bird to every time-waster I anesthetize myself with.  I want to be comfortable in my skin and my values and be able to get behind my life, verses the recent shrug and admittance that, you know, December’s been real weird.

Boredom is, as mused by Henry Nouwen, “a sentiment of disconnectedness.  While we are busy with many things, we wonder if what we do makes any real difference.  Life presents itself as a random and unconnected series of activities and events over which we have little or no control.

To be bored, therefore, does not mean that we have nothing to do, but that we question the value of the things we are so busy doing.”

Ooh I love that.  I think, when I look back on the misplaced convictions and the mayhem of the last weird month-and-then-some, I’ll remember I was incredibly, hopelessly bored when it all started.  Not because I wasn’t busy, but because I felt disconnected and helpless, which lead to apathy and quiet desperation that got loud.  Very loud.

And now?  I want some quiet, please, and I want some connection.  I want the green tea lifestyle over the vodka/red bull one.  And while I think my lipstick stains on my cigarettes are sort’ve beautiful, I’m sick of wearing lipstick and I’m sick of smoking cigarettes.

Here’s to a new year.  Here’s to a new age.  Here’s to you, and here’s to me, figuring it out and enjoying the mystery of whole Being Human.

Cheers, darling.

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